Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
