there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
