I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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