Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i will never coherently bang her
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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