Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
