So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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