Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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