Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
