So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
