I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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