I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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