If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
