i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
