it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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