So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
