You really coming over, don't trick.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
