apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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