i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i love accidental penises.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
