My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He passed out mid-signature
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
