my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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