Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
