ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
