My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
