third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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