Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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