Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
