Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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