Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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