Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
