everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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