You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
