it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
