So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
