already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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