i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
