Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
