Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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