Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
