i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
