he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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