i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
