Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
