I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
