yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
