Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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