His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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