she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
