He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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