he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
