its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
