I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
