In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
