Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
